The Art of Feedback

Understanding how to give great feedback is critical to delivering strong business results. But, even more critically, it’s how we build an inclusive and healthy culture, team, and relationship.

Feedback is the real-time opportunity to show up, stay aligned, set boundaries, determine what’s working and what’s not — collectively.

When that doesn’t exist, there’s disengagement, gossip, politics, apathy, and underlying resentment. In short, people are not at their best.

But feedback isn’t easy or comfortable to give or receive.

Feedback takes practice and purpose.

So why is it so hard to give feedback?

Often we hear explanations like this from clients, executives, and leaders alike:

“It’s not my responsibility to give them feedback — they know their job!”

“I don’t want to rock the boat or have it come back at me later.”

“He/she knows they are being jerks, I don’t need to tell them.”

“I don’t want to make them feel bad.”

“If I say anything, I am going to have listen to all sorts of explaining and they aren’t going to leave me alone until I tell them they are right”

Now to be fair, we’ve rationalized not giving feedback ourselves, so we understand.

But when issues aren’t addressed between people, they get talked about behind people.

Without feedback about unproductive or inappropriate behaviors, those behaviors lead to poor results or worse, lawsuits and HR shakedowns. Those are the business reasons for giving great feedback.

Most companies have some type of performance review or feedback process. The problem with this is that people may speak up about problem behavior, but it’s anonymous or only once a year.

Feedback is important and is best when provided close to the situation of when it occurred. It is also best when there is specific behavioral data provided as well as the impact this has had on the team, the customer, or those involved.

Organizations and teams that develop regular and direct feedback cultures around learning, building trust, and getting to collective results do this the best.

Here are few tips for making feedback go better, whether you’re giving or receiving.

If you are giving feedback, start with your intention. Have an example. Share the impact and be curious, not righteous in your delivery.

“Look, I want you to be successful and something you did yesterday bothered me. In yesterday’s meeting, your tone was hard and you didn’t stop to check in. I don’t like that and I am not sure it’s effective in getting people to engage and trust you. I’m not comfortable telling you this and I would want you to tell me if you thought I was doing something ineffective.”

Then extend an invitation. “Do you agree/disagree? Were you aware of your tone or how long you talked without a break?”

Remember, it’s just your opinion, not a truth. Feedback is you revealing how you put the world together.

If you are receiving feedback, don’t explain or defend. Reflect back what you think you are hearing. You don’t need to agree/disagree or explain. Listen and make sure you got the important nuggets.

Say thanks and step back and consider. Does this fit or not? Or better yet, what fits?

Practice Makes Permanent.

We need to get better about sharing behavioral feedback and impact. Don’t wait for a performance review or an annual progress report.

At work, it leads to stronger teams and better results.
At home, feedback keeps relationships healthy and real.

Feedback is not just about problem behaviors, share what you like and appreciate as well. Have that conversation and see if you don’t discover more aliveness. Feedback is your way of showing up and being fully engaged.